Serenity and acceptance

Need summa dat.

My pathology results are back, according to my surgeon's nurse who I just spoke with.

I don't yet know what news they contain.

I was going to go in later this week to discuss them with him (the typical first stop after surgery), but he'll be out of town so she cleared with me that a phone call from him this evening will suffice.

As you know, what they tell us will define much about my next year plus, so I am trying to focus on

   peace and gratitude

   the understanding that I am safe, no matter what

   the knowledge that I am strong, and can handle the toughest things

**

That said, this moment may be the hardest point of anticipation. Though I know it isn't particularly useful way to frame it, the little question nags on in the back of my mind, "how sick am I?"

Where surgery is specific and finite, an intense, transformation energy portal I've already passed through,  this feels like I'll be getting a road map for a journey that we all know will be long.

The best I can do is tell you that no matter what I know later this evening: I am happy, I am blessed, I am lucky,  and I am healing.

Right this minute, I'm also scared.